


Sayonara, Tokyo

by kyoselflove



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Asian Character(s), Drama & Romance, High School, Homophobia, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Minor Character Death, POV First Person, Religious America
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-28 23:42:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3874300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyoselflove/pseuds/kyoselflove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Japanese exchange student comes to Georgia, USA, hoping to live his life with new experiences, leaving everything else he once knew back in Tokyo.  But old habits die hard and the past will always come back to haunt him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know I have a million fics going on right now but...oops?

I had been invited over, a barbeque of sorts. It wasn’t the first time that I had met Joshua Maxwell Cole. Seeing as we lived on the same street, I saw a lot of him. First time we spoke, he was completely amazed that I could speak English. Always professional in an odd way, he was an outstanding member of his church and school. Tending to women as ma’am and men as sir. Never missing a service or class. 

The _perfect_ son.

The whole community was like that; seemingly picture perfect. I was staying with the Emerson’s, a very nice family. Timothy and Justine were the parents and together they had a son, Matthew. Who seemed to care less about my existence, which I was fine with.

Back to Joshua, at the neighborly cook out. While everyone stayed outside to catch up church gossip or whatever. Joshua had taken me up to show me his room. Not exactly what I had pictured in my head, it was messy, unorganized, and movie posters littered the walls. 

“It’s so hot out.” Removing his shirt, Joshua showed off his abdominal muscles, his skin paler than mine. And that happy trail had my eyes wanting to follow, but I resisted. It wasn’t the first time; I had felt the need to touch a guy, keep my gaze on his bare skin. But it was certainly something I kept to myself.

I wondered why Joshua wanted to hang out with me instead of Matthew, since he was more around his age, I was only fourteen, Joshua was seventeen and Matthew eighteen. Here I was—the awkward foreign student.

“It is.” I didn’t know what to say, I wasn’t a great conversationalist. Losing confidence in myself was what I was good at. Especially when people would mimic the way I talked because of my Japanese accent. Summer school was bad enough and when summer was over, it would be worse, from all the horror stories I had heard about high school.

At least here in America, the teasing was minuscule compared to what I had received back in Tokyo, for different reasons. So I shouldn’t be complaining. 

Like every kid, I wasn’t to keen on the idea of summer ending, which was soon. The only good that would come out of it would be the end of the stifling heat. Right about now, I really would prefer to be outside instead of this smothering room. 

“Were you born like that?” He gestured to his own eyes. It was a question I received all the time. One of my eyes was brown and the other a shade of light blue, it often through people off.

“Yeah.” Again I tried to advert my eyes from his sweaty naked upper body.

Joshua sat on the bed while I settled down on my knees on the floor. The carpet roughed up my bare knees; I played with the hem of my shorts. My hair fell past my shoulder in front of my face, I brushed it back behind my back, wishing I had a hair tie.

“That’s cool.” He had an accent of his own, a southern one. Though I noticed that his wasn’t as thick as others I had met.

I just shrugged.

“Do you like video games?”

Snorting, I smiled, “Yeah.” I was prepared to kick his ass in whatever game he offered.

Offering a turn of lips in return, Joshua scooted down to the floor next to me, handing me a PlayStation 2 controller. Turning on the television, Joshua and I spent a good hour playing Mortal Kombat: Armageddon in a stuffy room with a measly fan to cool us off in the Georgia heat.

I had to take a break to take off my over shirt, leaving me with just a tank top. My shirt didn’t smell to bad, natural order mixed in with the cologne I wore, I hoped that Joshua didn’t think I reeked. But I wasn’t about to go completely shirtless like him. _Fuck_ , I had forgot about that, there I go again, looking.

All of the sudden, Liu Kang didn’t seem so interesting. My hopefully covert glances ended with my downfall—losing. 

“Ha!” Joshua swung his arms in the air in victory, giving me a mockery smirk. Instead of it making me feel defeated, I only felt heated. “I thought you Asians were supposed to be good at games.” I was grateful to be called Asian instead of Chinese. 

“That’s not racist at all.” I laughed, not really caring. “I usually am. Maybe it’s the heat.” _Or your incredibly delicious looking distracting body_ , I was really thinking.

“Excuses, excuses.” Leaning back, down on the floor, Joshua gazed at me with an unreadable expression. I followed suit, lying down next to him. Finding it to become increasingly harder to avoid the way his muscles flexed on his abdomen. 

“Challenge me again when I’m not about to die from heat stroke.” I nudged him in the side, feeling oddly comfortable with him, even though we really never hung out before, only the short meetings here and there. And for once it felt like everything could be okay. 

“Alright, Ru.” That was a nickname he gave me because of the way he butchered my real name, Hikaru.

And then we both sat there, loathing the humid air, the gust from the fan cooling my glistening skin. It reminded of the days where I would sit with Takeshi in my room, doing nothing but reading manga. Takeshi was an old friend, thinking about him only made my heart ache.

“When I get a job, I’m goin’ to buy an air conditioner and keep it in my room only. This should be child abuse.” He fanned himself and let out a groan.

“My room is nice and cool, we should be there instead.” I whined.

The door popped open revealing Joshua’s mom, honestly I couldn’t remember her name. “You boys gonna come down and eat?”

Jumping to his feet, Joshua grabbed his shirt, throwing it over his head, hiding his defining muscles. “Yes, ma’am.” 

I stood as well and nodded my head in respect, then she disappeared.

Back outside, we all sat around the yard; the adults were placed at a picnic table while us kids plopped down on the grass. When Joshua sat down, his knee brushed against mine, sending a jolt through my body. Thankfully I didn’t jump, though it felt like I would.

Matthew sat across from me, “This is bullshit man.”

“Hey, come on now.” Being one for polite language, Joshua hated it when people swore around him. If only he knew how I really was, maybe he wouldn’t be so interested to stick around me.

I stared at the barbequed brisket and coleslaw on my plate, only picking at it. Trying my best to stay out of the conversation.

“Do you seriously enjoy these stupid outings?” Matthew scrunched up his face, crinkling the freckles across his cheeks.

Joshua was quick to defend. “Nothing wrong with being with family.” 

Scoffing, Matthew took a big bite of his food, not caring at all that it fell all over his shirt. “I’d rather be with Jessica.” He said with a mouthful of brisket. 

Curling his top lip, Joshua looked like he didn’t approve. I had only met Jessica once and she seemed decent enough. “You could do better.”

That had Matt trying to hold in his laughter. “Unlike you, I like the girls that put out.”

It felt uncomfortable just sitting here, eating food that made my stomach ache, and listening to two guys that I hardly knew, even though I lived with one of them, go on about this kind of discussion. I was missing Takeshi all over again, with our quiet and understood company.

Thankfully, Matt stood up and muttered something, going off probably to beg his parents to leave. I placed my plate on the grass, not really having an appetite anymore.

“Sorry ‘bout him.” I must have been painfully obvious. “I don’t know how you can live with him.” He chuckled and wiped his mouth with a napkin.

“I never see him.” Mostly because all I did was stay up in my room, listening to music and missing home, _my family_.

“Ya know what, we should hang out more. You seem cool.” Joshua ran a hand through his blonde curls, slanting his lips. 

I stuttered on my words, “I-I’m really not.” Pushing him away would be the right thing to do. Because I was beginning to feel like I wouldn’t be able to control myself much longer. This _damn_ heat.

Excuses. Exactly what he said, I was full of them. Not man enough to come to terms with my own thoughts.

“Don’t put yourself down.” Giving my knee a light bump with his fist, Joshua continued, “You could spend the night and show me how good you really are at games.”

It was like Joshua wasn’t really asking but pleading. Maybe he was just lonely and his only option for companionship–me. In a way, I was also like that. My heart fluttered and clutched, being excited that he wanted to be friends with me but then again, not by choice.

“Your parents don’t mind?”

“Nah, why would they?” I could think of a lot of reasons why.

After walking down the street with my host family, asking their permission and packing a small overnight bag, I was back in Joshua’s chaotic room. Grateful that the sun had set and let a cool breeze flow through the room, lifting my mood with it. I still wore the tank top with a pair of tight black capris, which Matthew had said, ‘are for girls.’ But I didn’t mind even if they were; they fit with my thin and lanky frame.

Again Joshua had his shirt off and lazed on his bed wearing only a pair of basketball shorts.

I took a moment to look around his room better while he set up the PlayStation. The walls had chips and dents, showing off the drywall underneath. Floor creaking with every step, his house was in rough shape compared to the one I stayed at.

“What do you want to play now?” Bright blue eyes were trained on me.

Taking a look at his small shelf of games, I pulled one out, “Dynasty Warriors: Gundam?”

Joshua snickered and I let it slide. A smile of my own tugging at my lips, “At least in this one we are on the same side.”

“So you won’t be sad when I win?” This time we both settled on his full sized bed, on our stomachs, my legs were swinging in the air. The idiotic smile still plastered on my face the entire time.

“Please.” I said probably a little bit to effeminate but at the moment I was too comfortable to be cautious. After all, it did become tiring to be someone you weren’t. 

Instead of commenting on it, Joshua bumped his shoulder against mine, “Let’s do this!”

Giving up three missions in, we went on to our backs, and simply talked. I found we had little to nothing in common, yet it didn’t bother me one bit.

“Do you miss…” Joshua trailed off.

“Japan?” I raised an eyebrow, “Yes, all the time.” Even though it had only been four months. What I didn’t miss was the baggage I left behind.

“What are your friends like there?” He couldn’t help but be curious and I found it cute.

The smile that had lingered on my face, the one that had my cheeks aching, disappeared. And Joshua noticed, quick to save the conversation, “I mean, we don’t have to talk about it. Sorry I just keep asking you questions—”

“I only had one friend and he died.” I played with the blanket, avoiding his eyes. Wondering what he thought of me now. Also, I had acknowledged how close we really were, even with Takeshi, he always kept a distance, right now, Joshua was close enough that I could feel his breath on my face.

We jumped when his mom opened the door abruptly, “Alright, it’s time for bed.”

“Yes, ma’am.” To emphasize, she flipped off the lights, leaving the television to brighten the room, “’Night boys.”

Being that Joshua’s room was so small and the floor was crowed with junk, I figured I would have to crawl up into a ball and sleep on the floor but he lifted the covers offering me to slip inside. As I did, he turned off the television and crawled in beside me. The room had cooled down enough that it started to give me chills.

I wasn’t tired before and I certainly wasn’t now. The proximity of his body, the heat it gave off, I was squirming, trying to get comfortable. “Are you alright?”

“Fine!” I basically squeaked out. Settling on my side, away from him and face to the wall, I sighed. Calming my body, I tried to drift off to sleep. Easier said than done, the bed moved as Joshua shifted. It made my body tense, my heartbeat loud enough I swear he could hear it.

Feeling an arm wrap around me, I clenched my eyes shut. His bare chest pressed against my back, I relaxed and leaned into him. The touch scorched my skin, his fingers interlacing with mine, I brought our hands underneath my chin, cradling them. 

Erratic, that’s how I would describe my heart. For not believing this was happening and what this even meant. “Sorry ‘bout your friend.” He whispered into my hair, sending a shock down my body.

I had a pretty good idea that this wasn’t typical teenage boy behavior. Yet, every single part of this moment felt right. Really, I wanted to keep it how it was but I couldn’t resist. Turning around in the embrace, I faced Joshua. Searching his eyes with help from the streetlights streaming through the window above his bed. He was calm; the complete opposite of me, I just stared in awe. I wasn’t sure what to do, I know I wanted more than anything to have a taste of those lips and I kept glancing at them for permission.

Joshua leaned in closer, here I was waiting, ready to give all of myself to him. My body shook in anticipation; one of my hands found his shoulder and squeezed it tight. Lips ghosted over my cheek and pressed lightly against my skin. And that was it. He pulled away, leaving me still, lungs full, waiting to release a breath.

When I exhaled I about laughed. I had expected it to go farther, like most men loved to do. But then I was brought back to reality where I wasn’t in Tokyo anymore. Joshua had values, being raised in a conservative household; it was still shocking to me that he had even held me. _Kissed_ me. Well ,sort of.

He looked nervous, like he realized he did something wrong, or that I was rejecting him. I smiled, pressed into him and kissed him on the cheek back. Feeling him relax, I let my death grip on his shoulder slip down between us. I snuggled into him further; he rested his chin on top of my head and kept his arms around me. 

I felt safe and hoped for once that I wouldn’t dream of my father and brother.

Instead, I relived another memory I wish my brain would just forget.

 

After Takeshi’s absence had been over two weeks, I caved in and took the train to Aokigahara. There in the parking area before the forest, I saw Takeshi’s beat up Honda with a layer of dirt kicked on to it from the road. It hadn’t moved or been accessed into for probably about two weeks. My heart clamped, making me still for a moment. 

I collapsed right there on the ground, letting the rocks dig into my knees. My mouth trembling as I cried, people around me didn’t seem phased; they knew why I was losing it. I wanted to run to his car and find him just sleeping inside, but I knew that wasn’t the case. 

Looking at the trees, all I could see was death, the beautiful scenery holding a dark secret, restless souls forever wandering. I couldn’t look away, imagining Takeshi hanging from a branch, all alone. Maybe never to be found. I couldn’t take it, so I retched and sobbed. 

I hated him.

The bastard fucking did _it_. 

He had become tired of waiting for me to join him.

Because he knew I was weak.

 

I woke up; my body had a sheen layer of sweat, more so than when I fell asleep. Joshua, still fast asleep looked peaceful, beautiful even. Even though I was overheated and uncomfortable, I nuzzled closer to him, inhaling his scent. Forever I would remember this day, even if it didn’t seem special. It was to me. 

This time I just hoped I wouldn’t fuck it up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good lawd, I wrote on it! So proud, sorry for mistakes and I hope you enjoy!

Sunday morning always started off the same at my host family’s house. I could hear Justine wake up around five in the morning, what she did; I have no idea, unless it really did take her two hours to get ready. By seven in the morning, she started fixing a light breakfast. Nothing more than toast and milk. 

I knew this only from one day, after visiting their local Methodist church once, I had never gone back. She gave me a smile and told me she understood that it might conflict with my own religion. But I wasn’t religious at all. In Japan, I did visit the shrines often but more so for the traditional sense. Shinto felt like a part of my lifestyle instead of a religion. Even so, she still offered me breakfast every morning, which I usually declined, loving the sanctuary that my room had to offer.

Not only on Sunday mornings, but rather every morning, I found myself waking up hard as hell. Thoughts from religion then straight to my dick, great. Usually, I would just leave it until eventually it went down on its own. But today, my erection was so hard and demanding that it was too painful to ignore. 

Being in a new environment, thousands of miles away from home, I had avoided being intimate with myself, just because it had felt to awkward otherwise. But there was only so far I could go before I felt like I was going to burst—and not in a good way either. 

Hearing the clattering going down in the kitchen, I wrapped my hand around my length, squeezing the rock hard flesh enough to make me hiss. What I really wanted to do was slip in a finger; too much time entailed for that though, which I did not have enough of. Okay, maybe just a tease.

With a tantalizing slow stroke with one hand, I brought up my free hand to my mouth, slipping in a few fingers into my mouth. Coating them with my saliva, and sucking on them as if there was a needy cock in my mouth. I could even feel my cheeks heat up at the thought, feeling really slutty. But hey, I couldn’t help it.

Lifting up my shirt, I let my slick finger trail down my hairless chest and down into my boxers, teasing my entrance and I spread my legs wide. My eyes were on the unlocked door as a slipped one finger inside, my ears were ringing and I could feel my heartbeat race. The thrill of knowing that anyone could walk in only made it all the more exciting.

Once I had found that little nub inside me, I was a mess. Keeping my moans somewhat silent by biting down on my pillow, I began to thrust in and out two fingers while picking up the pace on my cock. 

So close, the heat pooling in my stomach, my toes curling—fuck it felt good.

“Hikaru!” 

Shit! Didn’t matter now as I spent my release along my chest and hand.

“Hikaru, breakfast is almost ready!” Mrs. Emerson called out from downstairs.

I let out a shaky okay before cleaning myself up with a towel near my bed.

Having spent a good half of the morning staring at the ceiling with my hand down my pants, I decided to join everyone downstairs before my stomach consumed itself.

Shuffling into the dining room, rubbing my eyes, I usually slept in a long t-shirt but decided to put on some pajama pants before presenting myself. My hair was crazy and going everywhere, and I probably had a sheepish grin on my face. Sitting down at the table, I yawned. I glanced over at Matthew, only getting a view of his strawberry blonde hair as he scarfed down his toast.

“Good morning Hikaru,” Justine smiled and walked over to me.

“Morning, Mrs. Emerson.” It was still hard to get used to the different titles for people but she had long given up on trying to get me to call her Justine. It just seemed too personal. I know I was living in their house and all, but still, I didn’t really know them, yet.

“Did you want breakfast?” She asked while already placing a plate in front of me.

Mr. Emerson came from upstairs wearing his church attire, giving me a glance before looking away. Just like Matt, I don’t think he was too fond of me. At least Justine tried to make me feel comfortable. Whether she liked me or not was still a question I didn’t know the answer to.

On my plate there was a side of cut peaches, I smiled.

When I finished with my fruit, I looked up to find Matt staring at me. “You friends with Joshua now?”

“I hope so, he’s nice.” I said, and then took a sip of water. Since that one night, I hadn’t really seen him much. Part of me was afraid that he had realized what I was and how it was all very wrong, for him, not me. That had been almost a week ago. Even so, I always relived that night, over and over again.

Mr. Emerson cleared his throat and left the room, I guessed to find his wife and avoid our conversation.

Matthew eyed me up and down to the point I was growing uncomfortable, until finally I said, “What?”

“You should be careful, ya know. His parents are strict as hell and not very...” I frowned, “welcoming,” he finished, but I was still left confused.

“What do you mean?” Of course I knew what he meant but my brain tried to block it out, or maybe I just wanted to hear him say it. When I was over there before, I hadn’t noticed them being anything but generous and nice.

He didn’t offer me anything, jumping from his seat, he said, “Good luck.”

Before he could get away from me, I stood as well, “Wait!” He halted, raised one eyebrow, “does he go to your church?”

“Nah, he goes to First Baptist.”

That left me a tad disappointed; I would have actually gone with them to church if it meant I could maybe see Joshua. 

 

*

 

Wearing my favorite pair of capris and a loose tank, plus a bit of eyeliner to make my eyes pop but not too obvious, and my hair tied up away from my face, I somehow thought it would be a great idea to take a walk in the humid heat. It didn’t take me long to find a bench and sit down to catch my breath under the shade of a tree. The town was quaint and a big change from Tokyo. 

Definitely more foliage, quieter, and less populated of course. It was nice to be able to stop somewhere, catch my breath and be able to think, easing my mind from everything that was bound to cloud it. 

I pulled out my smartphone and used the browser to check the news in Japan. Something I had been avoiding, the reason was right there on the main headline. _Young man found murdered._

I knew it. The picture of the young man was none other than my brother, Taichi. I knew this was coming. According to the article, my father had something to do with it and was still missing. And I knew that couldn’t possibly be true. This was why my oba had sent me to America. It left me wondering what my brother and father had gotten themselves mixed up in.

A tear fell from my cheek on to the screen of my mobile. A strangled sob left me before I sat up straight and tried to compose myself. Isn’t this when a knight in shining armor came to me and lent me a shoulder to cry on?

Idiotically, I looked up and to my not-so-surprise to see that I was alone.

Shouldn’t I be crying more? Was I so used to death that it didn’t even faze me anymore?

Moping around wouldn’t solve anything; I stood up and continued my walk into town. My feet were beginning to rub raw in my newly acquired converse shoes but it didn’t stop me. What did stop me however was the sign to my right, First Baptist Church.

That could be more than one sign.

Seeing that the sermon was still in session, I chose to lean against the cement half wall surrounding the church’s grounds. Maybe it was a little foolish to stay and wait for Joshua, but I couldn’t help it.

I needed a distraction, and he was the perfect one. Perfect distraction, that is.

Swatting away the hoards of gnats that wanted in my eyes for what seemed like hours, finally a steady stream of people were walking out of the church doors. I stood up, fidgeting with my manicured nails, shifting my weight from one foot to the other until I finally spotted Joshua.

His eyes locked with mine and for a moment my heart felt like it would drop, waiting for his reaction. When he gave me a large smile and started jogging towards me, I thought I would die.

“Ru! What are you doin’ here?”

“I-I uh—“ I had no idea what to say, once again. Fabulous as always.

“Want to grab some lunch?” His smile never left his face and all I could give him was a shy one of my own and nod. Thankfully I had remembered to bring my wallet with me, which held at least a twenty-dollar bill. “Okay, let me just tell my folks real quick!”

I watched as he ran up to his parents, they casted a glance towards me and then that was it, he came back, still all smiles. It was becoming contagious as I felt my lips turn up once again.

Little did I know, Joshua actually could drive and owned a car. It was a small miracle that I was ever so grateful for. His air conditioning felt like a godsend. He mentioned some American fast food restaurant and I agreed, anything would be fine as long as he was there. Fuck, I was becoming like a leech. At this rate, I would become addicted to him.

Once inside McDonald’s, Joshua ordered a Big Mac meal while I went with the Asian salad, which granted me a chuckle from him and a blush from me.

We sat next to each other instead of in front because Joshua wanted to watch whatever sports game they were playing on the television. I didn’t care for any sports, even if they did involve sweaty muscular men groping on each other.

Still with his eyes on the TV, Joshua said, “So, are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

I must have failed from voiding all emotion from my face when I saw him, “Nothing, maybe a little terrified about starting school soon.” A little white lie, maybe. I was actually frightened about going to school.

“Ah, you don’t have to worry,” This time he turned to look at me, flashing his smile. Like he would be my protector if shit went down. Even though he would be in a total different year than me, grade, whatever. I mean—of course—I can take care of myself.

“Thanks,” I took a sip of my water, lowering my eyelashes to block his gaze. I still couldn’t read him properly. Did he or did he not…want me to suck his dick? Well that, and then some.

Oh yes, emotional aspects and all that. And here I go again, rambling in my mind for something that will probably never be. When in reality I should be mourning the loss of my half-brother.

Something was clearly wrong with me. Someone help! Joshua! Ugh, really?

Ramblings in mind came to an end when I felt his hand squeeze my thigh under the table. A deep intake of breath and I was ready to swoon into his lap, but I didn’t…obviously.

Okay then.

“Did you want to come over?” Feeling confident, I asked him, and I was about to put my hand over his when he removed it rather quickly.

“Can’t tonight. Maybe sometime soon,” His reassurance did nothing for me, again with the confusing signals. It was driving me insane, quite literally.

“Okay…”

He gave me an apologetic look, “Tomorrow do you want me to pick you up and maybe we could go shopping for school supplies?”

I tried not to choke on the lettuce in my mouth, was that his idea of a date? Or was he dead serious about needing some school supplies? Either way, I couldn’t say no when there was a chance to hang out with him, “Sure.”

“Great!” He stood up and went to dump his tray, giving me an opportunity to gaze at his ass, which I didn’t. Afraid that everyone else in the lobby would notice. Plus I didn’t need to spring up a boner in the middle of McDonald’s.

In the end, I was driven home, no kiss goodnight. Not even a hug or another squeeze at my flesh. 

So I felt like I had no choice but to lug myself up the stairs and cry. _Fucking weak._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay or nay? 
> 
> I feel like this is border-lining on dark and comedic. Don't know what the hell is going on.


	3. Chapter 3

Sitting in the living room, I tried to focus on the television. I figured I shouldn’t be hiding in my room all the time and at least try to fit in a bit more. Though of course all thoughts of mine kept leading back to Joshua. And to say the least, it was driving me _fucking_ crazy. Everyday I’d wake up and have little battles in my mind whether or not to go over to his house and ask what the hell was going on between us. But then I would get it in my mind that there was absolutely nothing, and it was all in my head.

Our little date had not been a _date_ at all, we literally had gone around and shopped for school supplies. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement, I came home again and sulked. 

“Ma, I’m going out!” Matthew appeared in the living room, yelling up the stairs where I suppose his mother currently resided in.

Thuds could be heard upstairs, “Hold on one moment!” Not a moment longer, Justine barreled down the steps, “Where are you going?”

“Going camping near the lake with Tyler and maybe Knox,” I scrunched up my nose, that sounded way too horrible and boring to be true.

“Oh, that sounds nice. Why don’t you take Hikaru with you? It would do him some good to socialize,” she glanced at me with a smile and I forced one back in return then tossed my head in Matthew’s direction.

He looked anything but pleased, but nodded anyways, “Alright,” placing his backpack on the floor, “go pack a bag.”

I rushed to do as I was told, hands shaking as I did so. Last thing I wanted to do on my bucket list being, spend the night in the woods with three other guys. Sounded like a really really bad idea.

Quick goodbyes to Justine and we were off, inside Matthew’s car he turned down the radio and looked at me real quick before putting his eyes back on the road, “It’s basically a mini party, there’s going to be chicks and drinking, tell my mom about it and we got a problem. Okay?”

I felt my stomach weaken, “Yeah, of course.”

Resisting the urge to ask if Joshua would be there, I chose to watch out the window as he turned the radio back up. I guessed that he probably wouldn’t be. Parties didn’t seem to be his thing. And I also knew that Matthew was clearly irritated thinking I might cock block him or something. Which I had no intention of doing, this little trip was beginning to make me an even more nervous wreck than I already was.

We pulled into a camping area that had a retro like sign declaring it a national park. There were about four other vehicles in the gravel parking lot. Only light around after the headlights turned off being a campfire in the distance.

Outside, it was eerily quiet, no bugs making any sounds, it gave me the creeps. Shifting my bag on my shoulder I walked behind Matthew as he lead the way. All of the sudden the silence had been broken, a guy came out of what seemed nowhere, “Matt, glad you made it!”

They did some kind of lame handshake and then the guy took sight of me, “You the new guy?”

“Hikaru,” I said, keeping my distance.

“My mom made me bring him,” it kind of hurt to hear Matthew talk about him like that, but what could he expect.

“As long as he’s cool then no problem! Come on,” the guy walked towards the fire, once there I could see more people, one other guy and two chicks, one being Jessica. Looked like one of these guys had been a third wheel. Lucky me.

“Matty!” Jessica squealed and got up to hug him, which he returned.

“This is Hikaru,” Matthew started, “you already met Tyler, that dude is Knox and that’s Anna.”

I waved at everyone, Knox smiled at me, “Thank god! Now I can have someone to talk to while everyone else fucks.”

“And you wonder why you’re single?” Anna said as Tyler sat down next to her.

They bickered at each other back and forth while I looked around, there were three tents set up around the fire, everyone sat on logs, and the lake seemed to be only a few meters away. Yup, this looked exactly like the location of a B horror film and I would be victim number one.

“Hikaru!” I snapped in the direction of my name, Knox beckoned me over. With a bit of hesitance I sat down on the log next to him. “Want some?” he handed me a small bottle, I eyed it suspiciously, “It’s vodka.”

Why the hell not? I took off the cap and took a swig, only grimacing a little as it went down. Vodka easily soothed over my throat, other liquors though were a different story. Though I didn’t really indulge in drinking very much, so I’d have to watch my intake since my tolerance was shit.

Knox stared at me before grabbing the bottle and having a taste himself. “So you’re gonna be a freshman, huh?”

“Yeah,” I nodded, biting my lip, trying to avoid eye contact with everyone. I was pretty sure that the couples were already making out given the silence. 

A hand nudged me, I looked up at Knox, he stood up and walked down by the lake and I followed.

“I’d offer to jam out to some music, but I left my iPod at home,” Knox spread out his arms in a grand gesture.

“It’s fine,” I shrugged as we sat on the grass near the water.

“You’ll be saying otherwise when the moans start,” Knox scoffed.

“Do this often do you?”

“Unfortunately, but now I got a buddy to suffer with me,” I was given a smile, Knox seemed to do that a lot but I couldn’t tell if they were genuine or not.

Knox picked at his jeans, which were full of holes--maybe they were styled that way--and we sat there in silence. That was until, without fail, the moans did indeed start. I couldn’t help but let a sound of disgust leave my mouth in which he replied with a laugh. “I know,” he sighed afterwards.

“How--” I hoped I didn’t sound to lame, “how do they do that...right next to each other?”

“Don’t think they care.”

“It should be private…” I murmured, taking a glance at Knox.

“I agree.”

Looking across the lake, I tried to ignore the sounds coming from the campsite. Not only did the moonlight light the area and reflect off the water, groups of fireflies hovered over the lake, releasing a green glow. It was beautiful...and romantic. I bowed my head, thoughts about Joshua again filled my head.

“Thinking about someone?” Knox poked my knee.

I knew that there would be a flush on my cheeks, I was grateful for the darkness of night. “Sort of,” I mumbled. 

“Ah, so it’s like that. Want to talk about it?” Knox stretched out his legs and fell back, completely lying in the grass, staring back up at me. I noticed that Knox had a battered pair of converse’s, so maybe his jeans had become worn down naturally with wear. Knox seemed like the kind of guy who didn’t care about his style or clothes, unlike me. I glanced down, my tight jeans looked brand new compared to his, my loose shirt the same way, where his was stained and torn, little circles of his bare flesh showed through the damage. “Or we can talk about me, since you can’t keep your eyes off me,” Knoxx wiggled his eyebrows and I laughed, even though I stuck my head between my knees, embarrassed as hell.

“Sorry,” I glanced his way again, “just taking in your attire.”

“Fancy, I know.”

“Very,” I couldn’t help but smile, I felt so at ease with him. Unlike with Joshua, where I always felt a constant fear. Damn that boy was driving me crazy, maybe it would do some good to let it out. “There is someone I like…” I gauged his reaction, he handed me his bottle of liquor again.

“Go on.”

“I thought that,” I avoided Joshua's gender, “the feeling was mutual.” I took a tiny sip, already my body felt too warm, “But I’m getting mixed signals.”

The carefree and joking stature of Knox disappeared, replaced by a more serious demeanor, “Maybe he’s confused.”

Okay, he knew. Maybe others were oblivious to my flamboyant nature, but Knox wasn’t, and it only gets worse with the more I drink. I gripped the grass around me, everyone always show how proud they are but I felt nothing but shame. That was all I did to my family, brought shame to them all.

I wiped the tear that fell before it could trail down my cheek, not only was I a giant crybaby, but everything had just piled up on me that past few weeks, or months rather. An arm rested around my shoulders, “Hey, don’t cry.”

If there was ever a moment to stand up and scream my heart's content out, it would be now. But I stayed, sitting, with a near stranger, desperate to comfort me. Look at me! I should be presented with the award for best first impressions!

An onslaught of rushed moans echoed towards them, I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Want to go for a swim?” Knox asked.

“But--” my tears halted, Knox jumped up, kicking off his shoes, pulling down his jeans, discarding his shirt all into a pile, then shimmied his boxers off and ran for the water. His flat ass the last thing I see before he jumps in. Once he resurfaces, he let out a loud hoot. 

“Come on! The water feels great, plus it’s quieter over here.”

Sure, why the fuck not. I stood, as I removed each article of clothing from my body, I neatly folded them on the grass. Shielding my crotch from view, I tip toed towards the body of water, testing its temperature with my foot.

I heard Knox laugh, sighing I ran into the water, letting my hands free and swam towards him. In the middle of the lake was a floating wooden platform. Using it for good measure, so I didn’t sink to the bottom, I caught my breath.

“Didn’t think you would come in,” Knox smirked.

“Skinny dipping is one of my favorite pass times,” I kept my feet moving underwater to stay afloat. 

“Is it now? ‘Cause to me it looked like this was your first time.”

“Do you know everything, Knox?”

“Nah. You could say that I’m good at reading people.”

I could only nod, fear crept back into me, but clearly, Knox didn’t give two shits about my sexuality. So why was it so hard for me to not care?

**Author's Note:**

> This goes to show that I suck at slow builds lol.
> 
> So yeah depending on how much people like this...is how frequent updates will come probably. I don't know, my brain does what it wants but comments/kudos are hella motivation.
> 
> But yeah, I don’t find many stories out there like this, so I decided to write one myself.


End file.
